05 September 2010

What Happened...

I prayed and debated a lot about whether or not to share the details of what's been going on with me. I've always been a very open person though, and I don't want to feel like this is some dark secret I'm keeping. I also know what it's like to feel like you're the only one, and if sharing this can help relieve that for one other person, I'm willing to put it out there. Plus, we could use all the prayers we can get. I'll warn you now though, that it's not a short or happy story...

We were so excited to announce right before this weekend that we were expecting our first child. Our doctor decided to go ahead and do an early ultrasound to date the pregnancy, and it was not good news. The baby only measured 8 weeks and there was no heartbeat (should have been 9-1/2 weeks). We were, of course, devastated & heartbroken. The news only kept getting worse when they sent us straight to the ER. It turns out I had an interstitial pregnancy- a rare form of ectopic that implants right at the opening of the tube to the uterus. Apparently, these are severely more dangerous than ectopics (1 in 50 with an interstitial pregnancy dies) because if they rupture, the uterus ruptures too and causes severe hemorrhaging. About 1.4% of pregnancies are ectopic, and only 2-4% of those are interstitial. We’d never been so terrified.

Praise the Lord though that not only did we have that ultrasound, I was also in stable condition. The doctors hadn’t actually ever seen an interstitial that didn’t require immediate invasive surgery. As heartbroken as I am to have lost the baby, I’m also so grateful that God called our little blessing home when He did... I’m not sure I could have handled the guilt and shame of having to terminate the pregnancy- even if it was to save my own life. They now have me on methotrexate (a chemo drug) with plenty of crazy painkillers and drugs- we were told that if the drugs didn’t work, they would likely have to remove one of my tubes and part of the uterus.

Thankfully, my last ER check in showed my hcg levels already dropping pretty well. The doctors are pretty hopeful I won’t need surgery, and if I do, only a D&C. They also can confidently say that the danger to my life has passed too. I’m so grateful that such a terrifying situation has turned out for the best, but needless to say... We’re still heartbroken and grieving (and probably will be for a long time). As we heal through this process though, I do hope to get back to blogging soon- if only to keep things going and take my mind off of what's happening.

26 comments:

j.thrift

Oh wow. That is so horrible. I'm really sorry for everything you're going through. I hope everything turns out as best it can. A door closes, a window opens, right? Big hugs. xo

Jodi Ulschmid

So sorry to hear the news! Thank God your okay, and always remember He has big plans for you. Good things will come! Hang in there!

Cynthia

I'm so sorry, Tess. Glad you are OK. Time is the great healer, and your future is bright! XXX

Mary

Tess I'm new to your blog but had a few classes with you at A&M. I started following your blog when I saw your wonderful and creative talent. After reading this post I wanted to let you know how sorry I was that you lost your little one. We also lost our first little one (May 2010). I'm glad the doctors said you are better. With time things will get better. Sending you lots of (((hugs)))

QueenGinya

so sory for your loss.

Michelle (LipstickRules)

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Take care -- my thoughts are with you!

Michelle
xx

SOiNTOiT

I'm so sorry....thanks for letting us know about it. I'm sorry. Pam

Anonymous

I've been thinking about you a lot, and will continue. ((hugs))

Sallie Kate

So sorry to hear, Tess. My heart aches for you guys. Praying for the God of all peace to comfort you and heal you. Thanks for being willing to share your story~ never know how God will use it.

Neige

I just discovered your blog today and I absolutely love it. I am so sorry for what you are going through and I hope things get better. Looking forward to reading you, when you deem the time right. Good luck.

Shannon @ What's Up Whimsy

I am so sorry to hear that Tess. I am so glad you are okay, but I you will be in my prayers.

Brenna

Thinking of you, Tess. You have always been such a strong person, and I know you will find strength and courage through this trying experience. You are doing a good thing by making those around you aware of this difficult situation - may we find strength your example. Very glad to hear you are ok!

Leah

Just wanted to say that I'm so very sorry for your loss. (((big hugs)))

Jess

Wow. My thoughts and prayers are with you. And I'm so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous

So very sorry to learn of your sad news. Please know there are many of us grieving with you and praying for a speedy and full recovery. From your post today, it sounds like you on the path to healing your body. It will take time to heal your heart but again, please know there are lots of us keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. Be well.

ana

i am very sorry, what sad news :( i am glad you are okay & my thoughts are with you.

storimessy

Mere told us what happened, she heard it from Pastor. We are praying for you and Jesse and sending lots of love.
~ T&S

Anonymous

I followed your story on The Bump and came here to see how you were doing. I am glad that your health is no longer in danger. I'm so sorry for everything you're going through- both the physical and emotional pain of it all.

Robin

Hi Tess,
It seems like yesterday I was doing your hair & makeup for one of your many dances (remember the Audrey Hepburn look?). You are such a special young lady and I have such fond memories of the times I had at your house. Please know I am praying for you and Jesse.
love,
Ms. Robin

Dwight Groves

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Jesse.

Dwight Groves

Rebecca

Tess,
Kevin and I are praying for you and Jesse!!! I can't imagine how hard it is to loose something you love so instantly. God knows what's best and I know he will bless you and Jesse with a beautiful family in the future. Continue to trust in Him and know that all of your family and friends are praying for you continually. We love and miss y'all!!

-Becca & Kevin

mark b

Tess, I'm so sorry about your loss and the danger to your own life, yet so happy that you seem to be out of danger. I pray the Lord's healing and comfort for both you and Jesse.

Carla

I follow your blog and really enjoy all of your colorful photos. I was so sorry to hear your sad news, but I appreciate what you shared about God calling your baby home early so that you wouldn't be faced with such a difficult decision to make. His peace to you and your family ...

FANgCHU

Hello Tess, I'm sorry for your loss, it must have been a hard time for you, but I'm sure something good will come for you soon!!

Valerie {Next to Heaven}

I'm so sorry Tess. My thoughts and prayers are with you. xoxo

1 American Girl

Tess,

My parents passed this link on to me. I have to say that I could see God's beauty dripping all over your grief as I read this. It just hit me how beautiful He is, even when we don't understand. I hope that makes sense, and is encouraging, not hurtful. I mean it in the most loving way possible...that, even in this darkest of darkness, I see beauty that He is depositing in your hearts and your lives that won't be lost. Thank you for sharing such a painful story. I admire your courage and your faith.

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